Here's the thing.

This will seem out of nowhere for most, but a handful of you know what I asked for prayers for and this is the answer I got last night:

A little back story first-

Despite what I have been told starting from when I announced that I would major in art in college, to having children, to being a stay at home mom, and everything in between...I have had very few cheerleaders, but of course there have been a few. Key people in my life have told me over and over either directly to my face, in the form of a "I'm just kidding" backhanded dig, passive aggressive job suggestions, and a million other ways… that my existence has always fallen short of...I don't know what, their expectations? 

I let people tell me they are smarter than me, that art is a dead end career, that I'm smarter than I look, and that staying at home with my kids was a waste of my education. (And those are just the literal quotations I can think of in particular.)  I listened to them. I let them define my value. I don't know what it is about my personality, but I took every jab and insult over the last 20+ years to heart and I internalized it. I was picked apart, piece by piece, until THAT became who I am.

I started standing up for myself about four years ago. I thought, "This is it!! That magical age I heard about where I finally don't care what people think!" That didn't last for long, I do still care. But I did start standing up for myself. I stopped being victimized and I stopped acting like a victim. I got angry. I started calling people out on their BS, maybe not with as much grace as I had wished for looking back now, but this was new to me. (FYI, when people expect you to continue to be their doormat, they don't like it when you say no to their crap). My key relationships have changed. People still try to put me down. They like me better if they can keep me just enough under them; it fills some need they have to elevate themselves at any cost. But bad news for them! (Inside joke.)

A lot has changed. Fast forward to this week-

I've been praying about something specific (which I hope to share with you all soon), and now I can say this with clarity and confidence:

Since I was a little girl, I've always wanted to be a mommy. Being an artist has always been a part of who I am. These two things cannot be separated from me. God made me who I am.  HE made me this way. On purpose. For a reason. And despite what others think, despite no material success to measure value for who I am, this I know without a doubt:

MOTHERING is important

ART is important 

and

I AM IMPORTANT

That's the thing. That’s the answer I got from praying this week and answered last night. I'm going to do what God made me to do. I know can do it well. I'm actually pretty freaking talented. I have always had a passion for people, for art, for healing, for teaching. Most people don't know that. I'm done hiding behind insecurities of who people have told me I am. I KNOW who I am.
God made me, I am His daughter.
And since He is the King, that makes me a princess...

Which is even more awesome because I always thought that growing up too ;)

Please pray for me to have more grace now that I know who I am~